Sorry...

Hey Guys!!
Sorry I havent posed for ages. Been so busy so how things I hope you are all okay and well. So a lot has happened... I twas my last day today before the summer i really can't wait! :) So I have lost quite a bit of weight recently like i have lost 2kg which is good :) I just wanted to talk about friends like i have lost a lot of friends over the past week/s but friends can come from sometimes the hardest and strangest things. A few weeks ago a friend sent me a link just out of the blue it was to a blog which i just started reading and I instantly fell in love with it. The girl who wrote it goes my school and is/was in year 11 I saw her around school but never really thought twice about it. But I messaged her today quite nervously and she replied and was so lovely to me and didn't even care that she hardly knew me she was so inviting and i thank her so much for that :) She told me to listen to a song and it really hit home for me, plus it's a good song ;) So I just wanted you guys to know that no matter what happens there will be someone who will always be there, and there is me who you can talk to whenever you want I'm always here for you guys, you can email or dm me on instagram anytime

Stay Strong

Enna xxx

Catch up...

Hey Guys,
So I did another 2k run today so I am quite proud of myself I have also raised £40 for charity this afternoon by doing a cake and lemonade stall. I also performed a section of A Midsummer Nights Dream so it's been a interesting day. So a girl on instagram recommended a song called Dark Enough to me. I instantly fell in love with the song and I really was to use it for my dance for GCSE PE. It's about self harm and yes I know people will make comments about it but I really don't care because it is my choice. I really want people to see the seriousness of it and show that so don't have to be an "emo" or a "goth" to have depression because it can affect anyone really. So yeahh that is what I am working on. I don't really have a lot to say apart from your all beautiful and I love you all.
Stay Strong
Enna xxx

Things...

Hey Guys,
So I was thinking a bout self confidence today and as I walked around the town center I kept think oh look at her, her legs are nice, I wish I was that thin. It just made me realise if that is what I want then I will have to work for it so I am not eating meat in the week but I can have it at weekends and I am going on a run whenever I have time because I always complain about being big or not being as thin as someone else. It could just be my build but it's worth a try and I'm actually going to do something about my body because I just want to feel happy in my own skin which I'm really not at the moment I am now 56kg and I want to get down to 45/50 kg. I also want a thigh gap and I was to be able to see my ribs because they are covered by fat at the moment :P I don't know if anyone else gets it but I can't actually look in a mirror or window and be proud of my body because I just hate the look of my body but with my ana buddy @you_killed_me6 on instagram we are going to get through this and not give up because I am not very good at achieving goals but I'm going to stop giving up like I did a 2k run today and my goal was to make it so far up the river and I did it and I was really proud of myself. So I am going to make myself mentally stronger and I'm going to start saying no to food, if anyone says anything I'm just going to keep going because it is my choice and it is my life so bring it on!






I also love my music and I always have a few tracks that just help me when I want to give up so I was to share them with you so take a listen:

But that is enough about me I want YOU to talk about me about your stories. I want you to send me artwork, music or just anything that you want me to post on my blog. Even if there are topics you want me to talk about or even for advice.

Email: sazza985@gmail.com
Instagram:enna_depression_and_cuts

Stay Strong <3

Enna xxx

A second choice

Hey Guys,
So despite how I was happy about being a week clean it didn't stay, last night I had a conversation with my sister just about stuff but then it turned bad and she said I don't work hard enough and I need to work hard if I want things because she is like and A/A* student and is really clever and then their is me who is getting B's and C's and I'm only decent at the "crappy" subjects like dram, photography and dance. So yeahh it made me feel so worthless and crappy it just made me relapse but I used the blade from my pencil sharpener and it just wouldn't stop bleeding so I just curled in a ball and just wished  for it to be over. I woke up in the morning with blood on my hands (not the nicest thing to wake up to. But yeahh it just made me realize how fragile I am and how my mood can just change so  quickly, people just need to realize that and just be careful around me or just leave me alone because I can't hurt anyone if I'm alone apart from myself. But yeahh I have felt like this before and I hate feeling that way. Feeling empty and worthless. I just wish I was someones first choice for once in my life... just once To not be annoyed at myself. It's always about my sister though she is perfect, she is polite, clever, caring and stunning. My parents got their perfect daughter and then there is me which I don't even want to talk about. I want to be wanted. For who I am and not who they wish I could be. For the way I look. Why am I always the one on the sideline?? I'm nothing.

Anyway I just wanted to say to a very special person stay strong and I love you lots. I know it's hard right now but we will get through it together :*


But that is enough about me I want YOU to talk about me about your stories. I want you to send me artwork, music or just anything that you want me to post on my blog. Even if there are topics you want me to talk about or even for advice.

Email: sazza985@gmail.com
Instagram:enna_depression_and_cuts

Stay Strong <3

Enna xxx

Any requests??

Hey Guys,
Just saying that if you want me to do anything special like a whats in my makeup bag or some photo challenge, any artwork, music or something just let me know and i shall do my best. Or if you just need advice just email me
sazza985@gmail.com
Stay Strong <3
Enna xxx

Just from that one person (from my last post)

Just a message to say...

Hey Guys,
I was meant to be doing my drama course work but I just can't concentrate so hey :)So things are going alright right now but I just need to put a small message out to one of my bestest friends. I got sent a message a few days ago. But first let me tell you that she used to suffer from anxiety and depression a bit like me but she got over it and is now helping me through it. So I got a message off her saying that she might be going back into it. I'm not saying her name because she knows who she is but I just need to tell her that I am ALWAYS here for her and I'm not going to leave her in a situation like this, we will get through it together. And this goes for everyone when I say this if anyone needs any help just email me or dm me on instagram because I will always try to help you.

So things are alright :) almost a week clean!! :O I'm quite proud of myself really. I just need a break from things really, like I just need to get away from everything like everything I just need a break, I also just need people to give me a bit of space but life goes on hey :) .

Anyway Stay Strong Guys <3
Enna xxx

My Story

Hey Guys,
So i thought today i would just tell you more about me :) So i am a British girl who enjoys rowing, dance, swimming and writing stories. I have a 11 month old Cocker spaniel called Pippa who is very hyper but is gorgeous and very loving. You may know my best friend who does the blog Belle talks we have only been friends for a while but we are inseparable.  So anyway I plan to become a police officer, primary school teacher or be in the army but its going to be hard as I am not the academic type and I hate school. But hopefully I will get there. I also plan to move down to Devon when i get enough money together so wish me luck. Now my proper story... So I started with depression about two years ago but at the time I didn't understand what it was and just thought that it was normal or just a bad phase I was going through. But due to a rough start in high school things got worse but I never did anything about it. When I was in year eight I had my first "proper" relationship which ended badly on my half because they left without a reason and out of the blue really for me. So I thought that I did something wrong and i needed punishing for it  so that's where cutting came in. After a while I just stopped for no reason and I was clean for just under a year, up until my next relationship it wasn't very long and it was a clean break up but after a few months I met somebody new who made me very happy but my ex started verbally abusing me sending messages everyday saying that I'm a slut,slag,bitch that he hopes my family dies and finally that I should kill myself so things got really rough and I went back to my "old habits" but again I managed to stop myself and ignored the messages. I started going out with this guy March last year and things where great and I though everything was in the past, but again my ex started sending me horrible messages and I found that he virtually stalked me and watched me fall at rowing and watched me leave to go to hospital. He actually watched me at rowing, it was terrifying and I was so scared by what I had missed. I then found out that he had a video of me getting changed in his room when I went over once, It was the most disgusting thing to listen to, it was in my mind for months but people kept rushing me to get over it but it was so hard to deal with they just didn't understand. But again I just went back into depression and since then things have got really really bad nothing makes me as happy as I used to be and I have attempted suicide once and now the confidence I had has completely gone. I am an extremely insecure person now and quite troubled you could say but just this morning I was taking blades out of my pencil sharpeners just so I could use them on myself.

But that is enough about me I want YOU to talk about me about your stories. I want you to send me artwork, music or just anything that you want me to post on my blog. Even if there are topics you want me to talk about or even for advice.

Stay Strong <3
Enna xxx

Email: sazza985@gmail.com
Instagram:enna_depression_and_cuts