Just A Few Goodbyes

Hey Guys,
So today I was meant to be talking to some woman from some clinic or something but I never went I really didn't wasn't to so I hid in textiles for the whole of lunch, so I told one of my friends what was going on ages ago, and if I'm honest that person really couldn't give a shit, they made it blatantly obvious, so I was talking to this person recently an I just said that something bad was going to happen today so if i didn't look happy then just carry on as normal, they were trying to find out what it was and I really didn't want to tell them, so today I never went to talk to that woman and on the way home they completely blanked me. But i am so fed up of being completely ignored by everyone, every time I try to talk to someone they ignore me or just pretend they didn't hear me so tomorrow I am literally going to sit in the library alone or ask if I can sit in my form room. I'm fed up of being treated like shit by everyone. I mean I was sat with my 'best friends' today and I love the two of them so much, but I just felt awkward sat with them they just didn't seem to want me there and when I walked in I just felt like I was interrupting something so I'm going to stop that from happening by just being alone, if nobody wants me around them I'm going to have to face this all alone and I don't mind that but it slightly scares me but I need to be strong. If that person is reading this right now then BYEEEEE! If you are reading this then I just want to say I have been friends with you since primary school and I have been close to you the last year, I  have gave up my time going on a walk with you because you were bored and you needed something to do. You have never gave a shit about me and it's blatantly obvious, you stop talking to me randomly and then talk to me again after something goes wrong with the person you like, I swear you talk to me purely to to feel good about yourself and I'm not having it anymore. Don't try and talk to me if you do I will just give you one word answers until you start giving one, I refuse to waste my time anymore, I'm going to spend it with the people who treat me like they care about me or people who care whether I'm okay or not. I fed up of it.
 Sorry guys about this little rant I'm just really annoyed,
Stay Strong Guys,
Love You All<3
Enna xxx

Bad Day :'(

Hey Guys,
I have found out some pretty bad news, so school have been in contact with my parents about what is going on, so my mum me in the car that there is a woman coming into school to talk to me on Thursday lunchtime, and if i don't go then I have to go to a clinic which is near my house, I am so scared and people don't seem to get that I have tried to tell my best friend but she never even gave me a chance to talk to her, so she doesn't know what is going on right now. I am really dreading going to school on Thursday and I am scared they will come and get me from my lessons cos then I can't escape it and I will have to go, I don't know what I'm going to say but I think I'm just going to stay really quiet. I'm really sad today cos every time I say something either everyone ignores me or nobody even gives a shit, people just make me feel worthless without even trying. Anyway on a brighter note... well there isn't one really. Ohhhh yeahh I have a geography field trip next Monday and I'm pretty excited people were asking what I was wearing and if you still want to know then a hoodie leather jacket, black skinny jeans, not sure what top and my dc martens. I don't care if people think I'm weird, I'm sorry that I want to wear what I want and am proud of that. I don't think anyone should be ashamed of who they are. So I will talk to you guys tomorrow.
Stay Strong Guys,
Love You <3
Enna xxx

This Video almost made me cry today :'

Problems

Hey Guys,
It's been such a bad day and I'm not even joking, I had C+ which is like PSHE, we were doing about body image, We were given a piece of paper and we had to write the things you liked about yourself and things you didn't. So for the positive section I put nothing, because there is nothing nice about me at all. So we had to do the negative section I wrote: Too fat, ugly, dumb, freckles, worthless, scars, weird... You get the picture but there was a lot more things, my teacher has collected those the lists in I'm so scared she will read them :( but then we were shown a video about body image and eating disorders but my friend started talking about making yourself sick I almost cried I had to turn away, it was so horrible. I am also a bit ill at the moment and have had no sleep so I am completely drained of energy I just want to sleep and never wake up. I just feel like every time I talk to someone they don't actually care what I'm on about or how I feel they just listen because they feel sorry for me is that stupid?? I just feel like it wasn't meant to me nobody even gives a shit about me anyway, I mean come on if school really cared they would've noticed that something was wrong but they haven't, which just proves my point. I'm fed up of people pretending to care about me it really annoys me. Like people who have never cared about me before now talk to me and the people who once cared don't anymore and I guess it will go back to just me again so we will see how that goes. I just want to give up now. But I'm not going to cut, I will stay strong :) At least I have music to get me through this, I don't think people realize the power of music though cos if anything music could've actually saved my life and these 'screamo'/ 'emo' band that I listen are like angels to me they are so inspirational.  Anyway that is enough from me tonight I hope youre all okay, I love you all so much and you guys mean so much to me, so thank you for giving me a chance and thanks for reading my blog even if it really doesn't interest you.
Stay Strong Guys,
Love you <3
Enna xxx

This is a song that I have been listening to recently it's soo good!!

Things

Hey Guys,
So things have been really tough recently so that's why I haven't been posting and I am sorry about that. So I have been bullied recently and it's been really horrible but I plucked up the courage to tell my rowing coach about it, however my rowing coach has done nothing about it and it can just carry on, meanwhile school have been in contact with my parents for some reason but nobody has told me why yet I'm really confused, I was talking to a girl i used to be best friends with today and we started talking and I told her what was going on, she was so nice about it and didn't think I was attention seeking at all so I'm really happy about that, but right now I am just trying to find ways to distract myself and I'm one week clean!! :D I'm really proud of myself, I know it's nothing really but it's a baby step and it's the first step to a better life right? I really hope my instagram account is helping it probably isn't but I know it's definitely helping me :) So I am currently in a production at school it's going really well, I have quite a good part so far and we will be performing at the theater! :O  I'm pretty nervous and it will be pretty good because it's a few days away from my birthday, so we will be performing it in November, so I'm pretty excited for that :)

I'm sorry this post is short but I don't have anything to say really, Recently I have started listening to two of my favorite songs from when I was about ten, and I guess I still like them so take a listen :)
Stay Strong Guys
Love You All <3
Enna xxx

YouTube

Hey Guys,
So i have always had a youtube channel but it was purely for watching videos but by accident i uploaded a video and obviously not many people watched it but I was wondering if you think i should make videos for you guys, it would take a lot of time and i would need a lot of ideas for videos and stuff if you wanted to help?? But anyway things have actually been pretty good recently but a few nights ago I was trying to find a way with coping with things so I had the idea to write what the voices were saying in my diary and I did, so yesterday I walked in my room and my diary was open on those pages and all my stuff is messed up, I don't know which member of my family has seen it but I am pretty worried, plus my dog is really ill so I'm worried about her. So that's not good. I have started looking at colleges recently and I never realized how stressful it is  I am looking at 8 collages and then I still need to decide what subjects to take, I really want to be in the police and either do forensics or the dog handling for police dogs which would actually suit me quite a lot, so if anyone can help me please do!! <3

Just saying that if you want me to do anything special like a whats in my makeup bag or some photo challenge, any artwork, music or something just let me know and i shall do my best. Or if you just need advice just email me
sazza985@gmail.com
Stay Strong <3

Enna xxx

Shit Happens

Hey Guys,
So it's the summer holidays and obviously time away from school is the best time ever but I have decided because I'm in year 11 this  next year which is obviously a big year I'm just going to concentrate on what I need to do screw friends I mean most of them bring you down anyway so what is the point, another thing is that I am fed up of being the person that people want me to be, I'm not that person I am my own person yeahh okay maybe I'm a bit of a goth but I don't care what other people think about me if I'm happy with the way I am why should anybody else stop me, if i want a black skull rucksack that's my choice but at least I am not afraid to be who I am because a few people who think it's weird, I hate how people can judge so much even though they aren't perfect either nobody is, everyone is unique and why should they be held back by other people, I have all the people I need I have Leo who I love more than anyone, I have Becky (my best friend) and I have you guys. What more could i want!? Guys a piece of advice never rely on somebody else to make you happy find ways to make yourself happy like for me its to sit on the sofa and watch a good film with ice cream, it's the small things that matter. I will post again today hopefully,
Love you all <3
Stay Strong
Enna xxx

Sorry...

Hey Guys!!
Sorry I havent posed for ages. Been so busy so how things I hope you are all okay and well. So a lot has happened... I twas my last day today before the summer i really can't wait! :) So I have lost quite a bit of weight recently like i have lost 2kg which is good :) I just wanted to talk about friends like i have lost a lot of friends over the past week/s but friends can come from sometimes the hardest and strangest things. A few weeks ago a friend sent me a link just out of the blue it was to a blog which i just started reading and I instantly fell in love with it. The girl who wrote it goes my school and is/was in year 11 I saw her around school but never really thought twice about it. But I messaged her today quite nervously and she replied and was so lovely to me and didn't even care that she hardly knew me she was so inviting and i thank her so much for that :) She told me to listen to a song and it really hit home for me, plus it's a good song ;) So I just wanted you guys to know that no matter what happens there will be someone who will always be there, and there is me who you can talk to whenever you want I'm always here for you guys, you can email or dm me on instagram anytime

Stay Strong

Enna xxx