Just A Few Goodbyes

Hey Guys,
So today I was meant to be talking to some woman from some clinic or something but I never went I really didn't wasn't to so I hid in textiles for the whole of lunch, so I told one of my friends what was going on ages ago, and if I'm honest that person really couldn't give a shit, they made it blatantly obvious, so I was talking to this person recently an I just said that something bad was going to happen today so if i didn't look happy then just carry on as normal, they were trying to find out what it was and I really didn't want to tell them, so today I never went to talk to that woman and on the way home they completely blanked me. But i am so fed up of being completely ignored by everyone, every time I try to talk to someone they ignore me or just pretend they didn't hear me so tomorrow I am literally going to sit in the library alone or ask if I can sit in my form room. I'm fed up of being treated like shit by everyone. I mean I was sat with my 'best friends' today and I love the two of them so much, but I just felt awkward sat with them they just didn't seem to want me there and when I walked in I just felt like I was interrupting something so I'm going to stop that from happening by just being alone, if nobody wants me around them I'm going to have to face this all alone and I don't mind that but it slightly scares me but I need to be strong. If that person is reading this right now then BYEEEEE! If you are reading this then I just want to say I have been friends with you since primary school and I have been close to you the last year, I  have gave up my time going on a walk with you because you were bored and you needed something to do. You have never gave a shit about me and it's blatantly obvious, you stop talking to me randomly and then talk to me again after something goes wrong with the person you like, I swear you talk to me purely to to feel good about yourself and I'm not having it anymore. Don't try and talk to me if you do I will just give you one word answers until you start giving one, I refuse to waste my time anymore, I'm going to spend it with the people who treat me like they care about me or people who care whether I'm okay or not. I fed up of it.
 Sorry guys about this little rant I'm just really annoyed,
Stay Strong Guys,
Love You All<3
Enna xxx

Bad Day :'(

Hey Guys,
I have found out some pretty bad news, so school have been in contact with my parents about what is going on, so my mum me in the car that there is a woman coming into school to talk to me on Thursday lunchtime, and if i don't go then I have to go to a clinic which is near my house, I am so scared and people don't seem to get that I have tried to tell my best friend but she never even gave me a chance to talk to her, so she doesn't know what is going on right now. I am really dreading going to school on Thursday and I am scared they will come and get me from my lessons cos then I can't escape it and I will have to go, I don't know what I'm going to say but I think I'm just going to stay really quiet. I'm really sad today cos every time I say something either everyone ignores me or nobody even gives a shit, people just make me feel worthless without even trying. Anyway on a brighter note... well there isn't one really. Ohhhh yeahh I have a geography field trip next Monday and I'm pretty excited people were asking what I was wearing and if you still want to know then a hoodie leather jacket, black skinny jeans, not sure what top and my dc martens. I don't care if people think I'm weird, I'm sorry that I want to wear what I want and am proud of that. I don't think anyone should be ashamed of who they are. So I will talk to you guys tomorrow.
Stay Strong Guys,
Love You <3
Enna xxx

This Video almost made me cry today :'

Problems

Hey Guys,
It's been such a bad day and I'm not even joking, I had C+ which is like PSHE, we were doing about body image, We were given a piece of paper and we had to write the things you liked about yourself and things you didn't. So for the positive section I put nothing, because there is nothing nice about me at all. So we had to do the negative section I wrote: Too fat, ugly, dumb, freckles, worthless, scars, weird... You get the picture but there was a lot more things, my teacher has collected those the lists in I'm so scared she will read them :( but then we were shown a video about body image and eating disorders but my friend started talking about making yourself sick I almost cried I had to turn away, it was so horrible. I am also a bit ill at the moment and have had no sleep so I am completely drained of energy I just want to sleep and never wake up. I just feel like every time I talk to someone they don't actually care what I'm on about or how I feel they just listen because they feel sorry for me is that stupid?? I just feel like it wasn't meant to me nobody even gives a shit about me anyway, I mean come on if school really cared they would've noticed that something was wrong but they haven't, which just proves my point. I'm fed up of people pretending to care about me it really annoys me. Like people who have never cared about me before now talk to me and the people who once cared don't anymore and I guess it will go back to just me again so we will see how that goes. I just want to give up now. But I'm not going to cut, I will stay strong :) At least I have music to get me through this, I don't think people realize the power of music though cos if anything music could've actually saved my life and these 'screamo'/ 'emo' band that I listen are like angels to me they are so inspirational.  Anyway that is enough from me tonight I hope youre all okay, I love you all so much and you guys mean so much to me, so thank you for giving me a chance and thanks for reading my blog even if it really doesn't interest you.
Stay Strong Guys,
Love you <3
Enna xxx

This is a song that I have been listening to recently it's soo good!!

Things

Hey Guys,
So things have been really tough recently so that's why I haven't been posting and I am sorry about that. So I have been bullied recently and it's been really horrible but I plucked up the courage to tell my rowing coach about it, however my rowing coach has done nothing about it and it can just carry on, meanwhile school have been in contact with my parents for some reason but nobody has told me why yet I'm really confused, I was talking to a girl i used to be best friends with today and we started talking and I told her what was going on, she was so nice about it and didn't think I was attention seeking at all so I'm really happy about that, but right now I am just trying to find ways to distract myself and I'm one week clean!! :D I'm really proud of myself, I know it's nothing really but it's a baby step and it's the first step to a better life right? I really hope my instagram account is helping it probably isn't but I know it's definitely helping me :) So I am currently in a production at school it's going really well, I have quite a good part so far and we will be performing at the theater! :O  I'm pretty nervous and it will be pretty good because it's a few days away from my birthday, so we will be performing it in November, so I'm pretty excited for that :)

I'm sorry this post is short but I don't have anything to say really, Recently I have started listening to two of my favorite songs from when I was about ten, and I guess I still like them so take a listen :)
Stay Strong Guys
Love You All <3
Enna xxx